Friends, I’m going to be completely honest with you this week. I actually had something ready that was smart, funny, topical, and educational for this Friday’s Funny. Then I realized SJ’d gone a full week without mentioning the Jeffrey Toobin incident. It will be a cold day in hell before I miss a chance like this to make some dick jokes.
Jeffrey Toobin is an author and legal analyst for CNN. One outlet to which Toobin contributed was The New Yorker. That publication announced his suspension Monday when a story broke he’d been caught masturbating during a company zoom call.
That should be enough to make the twelve-year-old in you snicker. The whole scenario turns hysterically funny when you learn the call’s purpose was simulating election outcomes, and Toobin—[reputedly] a lawyer—was tasked with playing the courts.
Everybody’s got their own tastes, right? Musn’t kink-shame.
Now, no one really needed to comment further on this. I’m sure everyone’s heard the saying, “if you can’t say anything nice, say nothing at all.” This did not stop Jeffrey’s friends in the media from rushing to extol his virtues with think-pieces suggesting this really wasn’t that big a deal, and you should probably admit you’ve flogged the bishop during a Zoom call too.
Well, dear readers, if Toobin’s media pals can defend him, I think it’s our duty to take the piss out of him as best we can. That’s why today we’re playing one of my favorite games:
CROWDSOURCED SMART-ASSERY!
Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to give us your best zinger on the Jeffrey Toobin Zoom Dick “incident.” Working a little blue is allowed given the subject matter, but try to make it witty. We have standards around here.
Last time we played it produced some really good answers. Let’s see what you’ve got this week!
Have a great weekend, take solace in that you’ve yet to get caught with your pants down during a Zoom call, and remember: in the words of the late James Randi, “There is a distinct difference between having an open mind and having a hole in your head from which your brains leak out.”
See you next time!
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