Friday, February 26, 2021

Seaton: Crowdsourced Smartassery, Jersey Edition

Let’s get honest for a moment. It’s been a rough week. Some of you reading this might feel the same way. If so, I’m sorry you’re down.

At least we’re not having a week like the New Jersey State Police Benevolent Association (which we’ll call the NJ PBA so I don’t have to type all that out again.)

This is from a public post on the PBA’s Facebook page bitching about certain provisions in New Jersey’s new marijuana legalization bill. Specifically, cops in New Jersey can’t use the smell of pot as a pretext to search someone’s person or vehicle. Furthermore, Jersey cops can’t even ask minors if they’ve been smoking pot or using alcohol. And if cops use the smell of pot or alcohol to search a child, they can be charged with “3rd Degree Deprivation of Civil Rights.”

New Jersey police can’t even search children for reefer or booze. The text of the bill states minors are incapable of consent to search.

I’m sure all of you can empathize with the NJ PBA’s hurt feelz. Being a cop is hard!

All of this bitching and moaning about how New Jersey’s Largest have their hands tied in the course of performing their job means it’s time we give them a little extra kick in the pants. So it’s time for one of my favorite games:

CROWDSOURCED SMART-ASSERY!

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to come up with the best zinger responding to a New Jersey cop crying over his beer about how he can’t lie about smelling pot to justify a search anymore. Extra points will be awarded for creativity, originality, and how much I snicker on reading it. The overall best earns an “attaboy” from me.

Let’s see what you’ve got in the comments section. Happy Friday to everyone, and remember: no matter how the week’s been at least you’re not the poor soul in charge of the NJ PBA social media accounts.

We’ll see you next week!

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