Prefatory note: Are you interested in cryptocurrency? Do you understand how Bitcoin works? If the answers to the above questions are “Yes” and “No” then the latest “report” from Deputy Tyrone, the mental midget of Mud Lick, might be of interest.
I’ve got nothing else to explain this mess. Enjoy!–CLS
Hello. My name is Deputy Tyrone Wentzel of the Mud Lick, Alabama Sheriff’s Department. Today I am going to explain cryptocurrency in this report while the dumb Use of Force panel tries to figure out if the last bad guy I shot really needed it. My commanding officer, Sheriff Roy, says if I can explain cryptocurrency to people then some good will have come from the shoot.
Sheriff Roy respects my mad interpersonal skillz, unlike the stupid panel or the bad guys who ignore lawful commands from a peace officer.
Anyways, cryptocurrency is literally strange money. That’s how it gets its name: “Crypto” meaning strange, and “currency” meaning those dolla dolla bills, y’all.
Cryptocurrency is “mined.” You don’t use pickaxes or dynamite like you would with coal, though. The mining is done on computers, but not on Minecraft. Apparently it takes a lot of computer to mine cryptocurrency, or “Cryptos” for short. Some places even have shortages of computer parts because there’s so much mining going on.
Cryptos get value because people want them and there’s a limited supply. One of them, Bitcoin, is worth almost fifty thousand dollars today because of the demand and scarce supply. I don’t know how part of a coin could be worth so much. Maybe it’s like pirates and their “pieces of eight” I read about in “Treasure Island.”
They all have funny names like “Etherium” and “Dogecoin.” I like Dogecoin because the dog reminds me of my pal Ranger. He’s a good dog.
People like cryptocurrency because it’s largely unregulated. That means criminals can use it for all kinds of illegal stuff. The guy who went to jail for Silk Road had lots of Cryptos, I bet. That’s how he got hit men and prostitutes to do what he wanted.
Buying Cryptos requires a “wallet.” It’s not like the one you keep your ID in. And you have to spend real money to put in the fake wallet so you can buy Cryptos to spend with other people who use Cryptos to buy and sell stuff.
Another reason people like cryptocurrency is the “blockchain.” It’s a fancy computer version of those things you put in ATMs to stop thieves from hooking a tow line to a truck and driving off. That’s what makes transactions with Cryptos secure.
One kind of cryptocurrency is called an NFT. This is short for “Non Fungible Token.” It’s like a kind of digital trading card with a unique signature that can’t be duplicated. People use other Cryptos to buy NFTs they can sell later. Since the NFTs can’t be duplicated, they’re a commodity. Prices are determined by the NFTs’ scarcity.
Art isn’t against the law, so buying NFTs are okay as far as I’m can tell. Using Cryptos to buy your NFTs may be a bit sketchy.
This concludes my report on cryptocurrency. I hope you have found it to be of use.
For further reference, please see the coloring book I am creating called “Tyrone on Crypto.”
You too can color you own Dogecoin!
If you made it through that, Happy Friday! Here’s to a better weekend, and we’ll catch you next week!
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