Are you expecting a visit from Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Rashida Tlaib, Ilhan Omar, or any of the other members of “The Squad” in your immediate future? Does the thought of dealing with air-headed idiots make you squirm in your seat?
Fear not, dear reader. I have taken it upon myself to create a letter you too can share with the Squad member coming to your hometown letting them know you’re not happy with their presence. There’s a bit of material here, so feel free to copy and paste at your convenience!
Dear (insert Squad member here—use their title as well, let’s be courteous!):
I’m a constituent in (insert your location here), where you plan on visiting soon in the hopes of bolstering Democratic goals/forwarding policy initiatives/vacationing like a cancer on society/acting like a boil on America’s ass.
We of the state of (insert your state here) respectfully reject your visit.
Your rejection is based on your recent asinine policy proscriptions/stupid comments about Israel/support of a terrorist state that wants to kill members of an other-group/generally stupid comments you made on MSNBC.
Please don’t take this personally. You’re a grown woman/man/non-binary person of unspecified gender elected/allegedly elected to public office and should be used to criticism by now. If you’re not, grow up. I am sorry/not sorry if that statement microagresses you in any fashion.
In addition, I cannot condone grown men/women/womyn/womxn/non-binary persons of unspecified gender making stupid comments about (insert latest CNN/MSNBC gaffe). We’re actually people who think words mean something around here, unlike you, sir/ma’am/them.
We’re currently dealing with real problems like (insert the issues most concerning to you here), instead of (insert whatever crazy statement the aforementioned Squad member flapped their gums about on Rachel Maddow’s show this week).
Hopefully your next visit is better received/I could give a rat’s ass if you never darken my door again.
Safe travels back to your home state!/Don’t let the door hit you where the good Lord split you as you get the fuck out of my life.
Respectfully/Thank you, fuck you, and bye-bye, my little chickadee:
Darius Rucker*
*One may note I refrain from using one’s own name to sign the form letter, opting instead for the name of Hootie and The Blowfish’s lead singer. I do so for two reasons. First, these womxyn maintain huge social media followings and I don’t want your principled use of my little form letter causing a Twitter pile-on for you.
Second, no one gives a fuck about Darius Rucker anymore.
Happy Friday, everyone! Enjoy your weekend, and remember, no matter how bad your week’s been, a self-professed middle aged crazy man on the Internet isn’t writing form letters for public consumption telling you how much you suck.
We’ll see you next week!
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