“I’m exhausted,” the email began. I knew his pain. All those keys. All those letters. All those words. Writing his Friday Funny had finally taken its toll on Chris Seaton, who decided on sheer impulse to shave his head, buy a saffron robe at the Dollar Tree and become an acolyte of the Dalai Lama.
I mean, who cares about grown-ass men in tights pretending to be wrestlers? What the fuck does “roll tide” even mean?
Oh crap. This is serious.
Frankly, it wasn’t entirely a shock. Ever since Chris came up with the idea for his Friday Funny, I worried that he would eventually run head first into the wall. After all, was this not the same thing that happened during his days in airports handing out flowers when he shaved his head and became a Hare Krishna back in the summer of ’75? How many times did we argue over whether a sheriff in Mud Lick would mutter “hare Rama” under his breath to Deputy Miranda?
And then there was the time Chris turned vehemently against neutering and spaying strays because “why shouldn’t they get to have some fun, too?” His vegan period only lasted a week, thankfully, as Dr. S made a big plateful of bacon while his neighbor in the trailer park, Rufus, brought him a mason jar of his best ‘shine. That seemed to settle Chris down. At least until he applied to be a contestant on The Bachelor after Jeopardy rejected his application to host.
It’s not that the kid hasn’t been high maintenance at times. You know, divas, right? It’s not easy being funny. Just ask Joe Rogan. But sometimes, a guy has to take a day off and spend it with the mayjag left to him by grandpappy to find his bearings again.
There will be no FF from Chris this week, as he strives to achieve inner peace. So rather than ponder what Sheriff Roy would do under these circumstances, it seems like an opportune time for you to send Chris your best wishes for a speedy recovery.
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