We’re finishing out my unofficial Con Artist History Month with a name with which many of you won’t be familiar, and a bad dude at that. That’s one thing that we tend to forget about con men—they do bad things. Arnold “The Brain” Rothstein sold drugs and illegal liquor. “Titanic” Thompson killed several men who welched on bets with him.
And Kerry Ketchum, by his own admissions in court, was a con man. He swindled so many people out of their money and possessions by the time we start our story in 1987 Ketchum (Yes that is his real name) is on the lam with arrest warrants in multiple states.
You see, Kerry’d spent 18 months in jail previously. That was enough to make him decide he never wanted to go back. When you spend most of your adult life lying, cheating, and stealing your way to make ends meet, it’s kind of hard to keep a straight life going. So he stayed on the run, packing light, and ended up in a town called North Pole, Alaska.
Again, yes, that’s a real town. No, I’m not making this shit up.
Ketchum only participates in a couple of minor schemes while in North Pole. He racks up a ton of credit card debt he has no intention of paying. There’s an insurance payment he collects on his ex-wife’s name, who he tells adjusters died flying in the Air Force.
And there’s a stop in Anchorage during this time where he swindled a bank manager in a mail-order fraud scheme that will be important later.
Kerry’s problem at this point is he’s in small town Alaska. Everyone knows everyone, and it’s really just a matter of time before the law catches Ketchum. Kerry wants a big score that will let him get out of the con man’s life and go straight.
So he decides to go to Los Angeles and play “Super Password.”
“Super Password” was a game show in the 80s with a simple premise. Someone says a word, trying to get you to think of a certain word. If you get the word right, you win money. If not, you lose. “Super Password” featured a ton of celebrity guests that rotated in and out of the show for extra daytime eyeballs.
Let’s pause for a second and marvel at the unmitigated balls on Kerry Ketchum. Dude’s got multiple warrants out for his arrest in several states and he’s about to go on TV, exposing his face to the world, to try and make more money.
But Ketchum’s not a complete idiot. He knows he can’t just walk on set and expect a shot at the money. And he can’t use his real identity either, because that would mean a visit from the feds. So he comes up with a new identity: Patrick Quinn, the name of a college professor Ketchum favored.
Now Ketchum needed “Patrick Quinn” to have a convincing day job. In Kerry’s mind, it might just be better if the job he has is one where people almost expect him to fib on a detail like his name. “Patrick Quinn” is going to be a spy.
Well, obviously he can’t just come out and say that, but Ketchum thinks if he uses a title like “Government Systems Analyst” and lets everyone know he lives in Alaska, damn near close to Russia, people will fill in the blanks.
So the show producers sit in on his audition and seem to think they’ve got a money contestant on their hands. Sure, Ketchum looks like a slightly better dressed Charles Manson with a cast, but the guy works for the US Government, and he seems to have an interesting past, so what the hell? At least it’ll make for good TV, right?
“Patrick Quinn” is cast for “Super Password” and given a contract to fill out and sign before the show tapes. “Standard stuff for the boys in Legal” was the rationale given to “Patrick Quinn” at the time, but keep this detail in mind: Ketchum signed his contract as “Patrick Quinn.”
Now it’s December of ’87 and Ketchum is on the set of “Super Password” as “Patrick Quinn.” On the set with him is comedic legend Phyllis Diller. And “Patrick Quinn” starts his run on “Super Password” in spectacular fashion.
You see, “Patrick Quinn” doesn’t cheat at all. There’s no funny business, no tricks, no “advantage play.” He’s just that damn good at reading people’s body language and figuring out what someone wants him to say before he says it.
I did mention he was a con man, right?
Anyway, after four days of play “Patrick Quinn” leaves with $58,600 in 1987 money, one of the highest totals in the show’s history. That’s almost $150,000 today adjusted for inflation. He’s just got to wait until the show airs in January before the studio can mail him a check for his money.
Thirty days to almost sixty grand. What could possibly go wrong in a month holed up in Los Angeles?
Well, for starters, the bank manager in Anchorage Ketchum fucked over on the mail-order scam could see the episode of “Super Password” with Kerry on it and call the law.
Speaking of Kerry, let’s check back in on him. It’s now January 1988, and Kerry’s getting nervous. He’s not gotten his $58,600 and he needs the money so he can bounce from LA and give the straight life a shot. So he calls the show’s producers, telling them his job’s sending him to a new outpost in Alaska and he won’t be able to collect the money unless he gets it soon.
To Ketchum’s surprise, he gets the okay from show producers to come in the next day and pick up a check for the whole amount.
What Kerry doesn’t know is he’s been on the minds of producers for almost a month now. You see, the show got a call from the Feds after “Patrick Quinn” appeared on air. This was shortly after the Michael Larson/Press Your Luck scandal happened, so the first thing show producers thought was somehow “Patrick Quinn” had cheated.
They were quite relieved when they found out the guy who said he was a government agent was actually WANTED by government agents. So the producers were very happy to send Ketchum into a little trap they sprung for the Feds’ amusement and so they could assist in the collar of a wanted man.
Which Kerry Ketchum, if ever there were a name that spelled a certain fate, walked right into.
Now Kerry’s behind bars, awaiting trial, and something’s not sitting quite well with him. Sure, he lied, cheated and stole a lot of money from a lot of people. That “Super Password” win? It was all him. He won it fair and square, and to be honest, he could use it right now to hire a lawyer to help with his defense, among other things.
The Network tells Kerry to pound sand. Worse than that, they even go to the press and use the mailgram Ketchum sent from his cell as a means to smear Kerry even more. “Unbelievable” is the one word quote from the Network’s top brass when they attempt to smear Ketchum as a greedy thief who just wants more money.
Ketchum eventually sues the Network for his money, plus an extra million in damages. The suit is dismissed by a judge who finds Ketchum voided the contract he signed to play on the show when he presented false identification documents.
The uproar at the Network is so great over this that producers for “Super Password” make what they consider a generous offer to set things right. If a “Patrick Quinn” can show up, present valid identification, and prove he was recently on an episode of “Super Password” then they’ll hand over every cent of the $58,600.
Of course, none of this ever went to “Patrick Quinn” or Kerry Ketchum. The Network never paid out a cent.
Ketchum pleads out in 1988 for his crimes and does five more years in prison.
And that’s where the story leaves us. What happened to Ketchum after that fateful period in 1987-1988 is really of no interest to us. We get a few moments at least to raise a glass today to a righteous scoundrel with an interest in redemption who actually tried to go straight by doing an honest day’s work for a change.
This time, it was TV network brass that did the actual swindling.
Doesn’t mean it’s not a hell of a story to tell.
That’s all for this week, everybody! We’ll resume more dumb jokes next week, but I hope you enjoyed this little four week sojourn down the halls of scoundrels, cheats, and liars of infamy!
See you next time!
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