Let’s start this with an admission. I’m a Batman kind of guy. Out of all the superhero types, be they Marvel, DC, or some other comic label, Gotham City’s Caped Crusader’s been the one I flocked to the most.
So when I heard a Batman cinematic reboot was in the works, I rolled my eyes a little. After all, the Dark Knight’s gotten treatments from Tim Burton, Christopher Nolan, and Joel Schumacher (for all the good THOSE movies did). What else could a new director bring to the table?
And when news broke Sparkles the Vampire (real name Robert Pattinson of the “Twilight” series of films) had been tapped to play Batman, I thought studio heads were purposefully fucking with people like me.
So I waited on this one until I could watch it at home, because there was no way in hell I was shilling out full ticket price on this flick.
Now I’m going to make a statement that will cause some to think I’ve suffered some sort of traumatic brain injury. Robert Pattinson not only did a great job as the star of “The Batman,” his performance may be my favorite to date.
This isn’t the suave playboy with his act together like Christian Bale, or the quirky billionaire like Michael Keaton. This is a young Bruce Wayne with very raw, unfocused energy and harboring a whole lot of anger at being unable to prevent the deaths of his parents. This is very much a Batman in his first or second year of real notoriety, acting and thinking like he’s still got a lot to prove to everyone.
One of those people The Batman has something to prove to is Detective James Gordon, played by Jeffrey Wright. Called by Gordon to the scene of a mysterious homicide involving a prominent political figure in Gotham City, the Batman must use his wits and detective skills to deduce the true motives behind “The Riddler’s” killing spree and stop him before the masked villain can reveal the dark secrets of Gotham’s most powerful figures.
That’s really all I can say about the plot without giving too much of the good stuff away. What makes this such a different Batman story from the rest is that it really is a detective story. Most Batman films involve the rich masked guy with cool toys saving a city from an existential threat.
Give the “World’s Greatest Detective” a mystery to solve and people will like it. Go figure.
This is also the first “Batman” film I’ve seen that doesn’t reek of phoniness. As much as I like my Batman stories, there’s something inherently ridiculous about a billionaire using his fortune to become a martial arts master, world class detective, and inventor of numerous gadgets that look cool on film but are impractical in real life.
Here the fights carry with them a sense of realness, as if they’d play out in such a fashion in the real world. Batman’s “wonderful toys,” as Jack Nicholson’s Joker once called them, are actually used in pragmatic ways, like a grappling line tripping up a baddie on a catwalk.
I would be remiss if I didn’t mention a couple of other stellar acting performances in this film. Colin Farrell deserves some kind of award for his role as The Penguin. Apparently Warner executives were so taken with Farrell’s Penguin that he’s been given his own HBO Max spinoff show. Paul Dano manages to do something no one else has accomplished and makes The Riddler actually terrifying. Finally, Andy Serkis, who most people will remember for his work as Gollum in Peter Jackson’s “Lord of the Rings” movies, does a great job as Alfred Pennyworth.
Here, unfortunately, is where I must start dinging the film for a few minor things. First is pacing. This film is a slog to get through. Yes, it’s just under three hours of runtime, but it took me damn near three days to get through this film. There are moments when the action picks up and takes off like a runaway train only for the viewer to feel as if the story’s slowed to a glacial pace within minutes.
Those pacing issues are what I fear may turn off a ton of people to this film, no matter how enjoyable it may be.
A secondary ding goes to casting Zoe Kravitz as Catwoman. This is more personal taste than anything else, but Selina Kyle (Catwoman’s alter ego) has always been an opportunistic bitch who takes no prisoners and will do and say anything to secure the shiny treasures she covets.
Kravitz, on the other hand, comes off as a scared little girl who mouths off constantly about sticking it to the “man” and the “privileged assholes that run Gotham.” A victim mindset might play well in modern day America, but on Catwoman it falls flat. Plus, Kravitz is so physically tiny watching her kick five guys’ asses like it’s nothing completely torches the “realism” this film brings.
This is also NOT a kid friendly film. Yes, it’s rated PG-13 but some of the themes and scenes in this make a strong case an R rating would’ve been a better fit for the movie. Compared to a similarly rated film that just became available for rental, I’d feel a whole lot better about my son watching “Spider-Man: No Way Home” rather than him watch “The Batman.”
And that’s really about it as far as the faults I can find with the film. “The Batman” is a great flick, far better than I gave it credit for or it has any right being. I wouldn’t watch this in a theater, but it’s definitely worth your consideration for a rental, no matter your personal taste in super-films.
Right now “The Batman” is exclusively streaming on HBO Max, but with current pricing for a month with adds going for $10 it’s worth checking out. If you don’t want to sign up for HBO Max give it a week or two and it’ll probably be available to rent wherever you like.
I suggest giving it a shot, and if you don’t like it, blame the self-professed Middle Aged Crazy Man on the Internet who told you to check it out in the first place.
It’s okay. I won’t mind.
That’s all for this week, everyone! If you’ve got some good film suggestions for me to check out, feel free to let me know in the comments. Otherwise have fun, be good to each other, and we’ll see you next week, folks!
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