Happy Friday everyone! This weekend’s particularly significant for my family as we’re celebrating two big occasions. The first, of course, is Easter. I don’t know what happens in other parts of the country (or world) on Easter weekend, but in the South, everything shuts down for basically four days. The kids get Good Friday off, all weekend is theirs, and then the Monday after Easter is a day off for the kids as well.
I suspect the Monday holiday is more for the teachers than the students or parents.
But I digress. Everyone loves a long weekend.
Anyway, we’ve done a thing for the past couple of years where people from a local group come to “egg” the yard. We pay for the easter eggs and treats inside, then the team of volunteers comes after the kids are in bed and hides easter eggs all over the place.
The next morning the kids get up and do an impromptu easter egg hunt without much work on our part. It’s even better when the volunteers have someone that actually dresses as a giant bunny in case the kids are still awake when they arrive at night.
Unfortunately this year the group we normally pay to egg the yard wasn’t participating in such activities. This was disheartening. Imagine our great surprise when we learned through social media a local roller derby team was egging yards for Easter as a fundraiser.
“Roller Derby saved Easter at my house.” There’s a sentence I never thought I’d type in my life.
Seriously, when was the last time any of you actually saw a roller derby event, much less a team? I thought that spectacle died out when “Rollerjam” was big back in the late 90s. I’m happy to see that I was wrong, and if the roller derby girls* want to don a big bunny suit while they roll around egging our yard, by God I’ll happily support them.
Sunday we might try to make a church service. There’s really two times a year in the South people are legally required to attend church: Easter and Christmas Day. Depending on your level of Southern, even those are negotiable.
Usually the crowds at churches around here are biggest at Easter.
And my eldest child hates crowds. So there’s a good chance we’ll stay in too.
I guess I’m saying I don’t know what the hell we’ll do this weekend to celebrate the holiday, but I’m going to roll with it, dammit.
After Easter concludes we’ve got another major milestone in my son’s birthday. The Easter bunny almost opted out of egging the yard this year and tried for Easter baskets because (a), the people who make the magic happen are tired as hell and (b) this is a lot of work in one weekend for kids.
But when you’ve got a kid like my son, who’s as wonderful as a kid can get, you’ll gladly put the work in and like it.
He’s selfless around his special needs elder sister, loves Pokemon, Wild Kratts, Spider-Man, and Batman if you push him hard enough on the subject. He’s a dynamo in karate class and is finally learning to dive while swimming at a pool.
He also talks. Nonstop. I’ve long considered this my personal cross to bear as I was the motormouth of the family until he came along. Now with the consistent feedback from teachers and staff at school, I wish I’d honestly learned the value of a bit more silence while he was still cooking in the womb.
I understand kids can pick traits like that up via osmosis during pregnancy.
Or that may be untrue.
Hey. I’m not a fucking doctor, why are you staring at your computer like that? Stop. Not even middle aged crazy men on the Internet know everything.
Despite what Ezra Klein would have you believe.
Anyway, to tie everything together I want to share a story of when my son was born. Shortly after his birth, I learned from a friend in town legendary pro wrestling manager Jim Cornette would be in Knoxville signing autographs at a convention. A mutual acquaintance offered to introduce the two of us.
That’s how after about 2-3 days from my son’s birth I found myself outside the Marble City Convention Center with two very hungover gentlemen who were going to be my ticket to meet Jim Cornette, the Louisville Slugger. The former manager of the Midnight Express was due to meet me and I saw him through the convention center doors.
Gone were the loud suits and ties. Corny was dressed in a black T shirt with a cartoon depiction of his face on the front and a pair of black track pants. He moved between stacks of comic books selecting items for purchase later while my friends groaned and shlepped down greasy hangover food from the concession stand.
Cornette, in case you ever get the chance to meet him in the future, is every bit who he acts like on TV and in podcasts with the volume turned up to 11. It was amazing to meet him and pick his brain about local Tennessee wrestling before the WWF/WWE took everything over. He even invited me to stay and moderate a panel discussion in which he was to take part.
I politely begged off the invitation, stating I had a newborn son I had to look after when I got home.
“You have a son?” quipped Cornette, “Congratulations! Who do you suspect?”
“Um, Mr. Cornette, with all due respect he’s my child,” I stammered in front of one of the best impromptu public speakers I’ve ever seen.
Corny shook his head and turned to one of our friends. “Barry**,” he said to one, “If he can’t hit a softball like that he’ll never draw a damn dime in the wrestling business. I don’t give a shit how good a lawyer is, a cornball answer like that means he’ll never draw a dime in the business.”
And Jim Cornette, master of the wrestling business that he is, was 100% correct as I have never drawn a dime of money from pro wrestling and most likely never will!
That’s all for this week, folks! Happy Friday, and if you can at Scotch-o-Clock raise one today for the late Gilbert Gottfried. He will be missed, not just as the comedian with the grating voice or as the AFLAC duck. There were moments in Gottfried’s career that truly shone, like the time he absolutely killed Bob Saget’s Friar’s Club Roast.
This is a family blawg, so I’m not going to link to his bit here, but go search YouTube for it and then watch the clip with the doors shut or headphones in if you’re at the office.
I’m off to do Pokemon related stuff with my son. We’ll see you next week, everybody!
*Ed. Note: We do not endorse hate speech.
**Name changed to protect the not-so-innocent.
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