Tuesday Talk*: Returning To The Nest To Stay?

I left my parents’ home at 17 and the idea of ever, but ever, going back to live with them was never considered. Wasn’t that the point of growing up, to strike out on your own and to establish yourself as an independent adult, for better or worse? Perhaps it was, but not anymore.

This year’s rapid inflation rates have meant higher prices for virtually everything, including rent, food and even partying. So what comes next may not be much of a surprise: Nearly a third of Americans between the ages of 18 and 25 — part of what is collectively known as Gen Z — live at home with their parents or other relatives, according to a new study, and they considered it a long-term housing solution.

This was happening before inflation, before pandemic and few parents are all that concerned that the cost of partying will make junior sad, but the fact remains that this thing that prior generations did anything possible to avoid is not merely happening, but happening without any regret, with Gen Z.

A 2020 analysis from Zillow found that about 2.7 million adults in the United States moved in with a parent or grandparent in March and April of that year.

From a logistical perspective, it makes a lot of sense. The room is there, sitting fallow. Homes and apartments are expensive, at least for the moment. Wages and salaries haven’t kept pace with cost of living for the last generation. And, some might argue, these 20-somethings aren’t really “adults” as that word was commonly understood, but rather children with body hair.

On the other hand, this allows, if not feeds into, stunted adolescence, where kids never grow up, take responsibility for themselves, do the hard work necessary to become mature members of society as they sit in the basement eating Cheetos that mommy buys for them while working remotely if they don’t feel the need for a mental health day after being traumatized by a story someone posted on Tik Tok.

Historically, families living together was hardly unusual, but times are substantially different and they’re no longer going to inherit the family farm if they milk the cows daily. There is little heavy lifting demanded of children living with mommy, although no doubt some contribute both financially and in kind to the support and maintenance of the family home.

But if not, should they be allowed to live at home like five-year-olds in perpetuity? Is this healthy, for the kids, the parents, society? Is it healthy that kids are okay with returning to the nest rather than flying off on their own? Is this how to create a strong, independent and capable polity in reality and not just people deciding to pretend they’re “hot” on Insta?

Parents whose children return home to live in their empty bedrooms likely mean well and want to help their beloved offspring through difficult times, but are they, or are they enabling weakness, failure and irresponsibility?

And if they come back until they save enough to get their own place, or meet that person of their dreams, or get that job that will fulfill their passions, will they ever leave?

As the song asks, “how can I miss you if you won’t go away?”

*Tuesday Talk rules apply.