We all know “Karen” is a pejorative these days, usually describing an overbearing white woman who threatens to call someone’s manager if she doesn’t get her way on a specific issue.
Here’s a little known fact: Karens don’t have to be female. Men can be Karens too. I know this because last week I accidentally Karen’d my son’s teacher.
In my defense, gentle readers, law school messes up your brain. My Civil Procedure professor told my class about a week in that if we left with a diploma, law school would forever change the way we viewed the world. It would be a land of assets and liabilities, people at fault and not at fault, and potential litigation around every corner.
More on that later.
So my son’s teacher this year is new to his grade level, but he’s had experience teaching previously. Dr. S. tried to warn me when she spoke of his lassiez-faire approach to classroom organization, but I dismissed this as a man’s touch on a classroom atmosphere that traditionally was dominated by women.
I’m a sucker for equality like that.
Anyway the first full day of school comes and I start to quiz my son about how his day went. Specifically I ask about what sort of disciplinary measures his teacher established for the class.
“Oh, if someone misbehaves we get a tally mark on the board,” my son tells me. “Those tally marks determine how many laps we have to run on the playground at recess.”
“The entire class?”
“Yes, daddy.”
“Do you get to stop for water breaks if you need one?”
“No, but we can walk, and when we got in the building after recess I was very thirsty.”
“How many laps did you have to run?”
“Seven.”
At first, friends, I thought this punishment method to be quite effective. The more I thought about it, the less comfortable I was with the consequences. It’s not exactly a grade where group punishments are effective. Then there’s taking away recess time, which is the one time the kids get a break from the rules and strict instruction time during the day.
The more I thought about it, the less okay I was with running laps as punishment. Plus it’s 90°+ weather in Tennessee with the humidity kicking it up to lord knows what temperature.
So I do the one thing I can think to do. I email the teacher and CC the principal on it. To sum up the email, I asked the teacher what the fuck he was thinking making little kids run laps in scorching hot weather when it’s something professional athletes would do, not elementary school kids.
Now here’s where I think I went full Karen, albeit accidentally. I made mention that if, God forbid, a kid collapsed in extreme heat or cold weather running laps on a quarter-mile-sized playground as punishment for something they didn’t do, then it could potentially expose the school system to a lawsuit.
Email sent, I feel good about what I’ve done, but hope there’s other parents that said something because I didn’t want to be THAT guy who caused a stink for something other parents didn’t see as a big deal.
About a half hour later I get an email from my son’s principal. The assistant principal is now looped in via CC on the email. I’m told this sort of “consequence” is unacceptable, that it will no longer happen in my son’s class, and that the assistant principal, who is overseeing all of my son’s grade level classes, will be helping his teacher “develop a new disciplinary policy and classroom expectation policy that are more in line with [the school’s] values.”
Hoo boy. At least my son wouldn’t be running laps for stuff he didn’t do.
The next day I ask my son about how discipline is being handled. No longer are laps an option, I’m told. Now the kids are competing as tables for points that let them get classroom “desk pets” as prizes at the end of the week.
So far so good, I think. This is on a Wednesday.
The next day I get an email from my son’s teacher and I’ll be damned if it didn’t read like a hostage note. It was not written by his teacher; this was a form response dictated by school administration that he was told to put his name on. I know this because there was language about making the disciplinary policy and classroom expectation “aligning with school values” and promising a new disciplinary plan and classroom expectations policy “no later than Friday.”
I was taken aback by the language and told my wife as much.
“Well, you did threaten to sue them,” she responds.
“No I didn’t! I said that if, heaven forbid, a kid collapsed on one of these lap runs it could open the school up to lawsuits!”
“Honey, pull your lawyer brain out and put a real brain in. You said ‘sue.’ Regardless of intent, that means to a normal person you plan on suing them.”
I wasn’t that sure of it, so I asked another adult I trust, my personal genital wart masseuse, what she thought of the communications. Reading them in full, she laughed, said my son’s teacher’s approach to punishment was “painfully male,” and then proclaimed I “absolutely scared them” with the threat of a lawsuit.
Which was never my intention, dear readers. I just wanted to point out that there was a possibility for lawsuits if the practice continued.
And that wasn’t very appreciated beyond scaring the shit out of my son’s teacher who just started teaching this grade.
Here’s the moral of the story: No matter what you think of a practice that your children’s schoolteachers use as discipline, never use the words “sue” or “suit” in communications about that which you take issue with.
This will label you a “Karen,” whether you meant to be one or not, and your better half will be forced to explain your actions when the next Parent-Teacher night comes.
As my wife is apparently ready to do. Allegedly.
I just know I’m not exactly expecting a warm reception come parent-teacher meetings.
Here’s to a great weekend for all of you, and no matter what happened this week remember: you didn’t accidentally threaten to sue your kid’s teacher over disciplinary matters via email!
We’ll see you next time, everyone!
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