It has come to my attention that some academic idiots on Twitter are trying to culturally appropriate “redneck,” a term they claim once referenced “poor pro-Union coal miners.”
No. Stop this now. That’s not how this works. You wokescold little shits, from me and every proud redneck out there to you: Take your shit and get off our lawns. You’re not getting “redneck” from us.
There is nothing “oppressive” or “marginalized” about rednecks. We are the people who invented rolling coal, big-ass trucks, and blowing shit up while drunk.
Rednecks gave you tractor pulls, Johnny, Waylon, Shooter, George and all the Hanks. We’re the folks who blessed you with Trae Crowder and Jeff Foxworthy.
Hooters wouldn’t exist without real rednecks. We invented “delightfully tacky, yet undefined.”
We embody God, Jesus, Richard Petty, Guns, and Sunday Dinner after Church. Maybe not necessarily in that order, but you get the point.
Rednecks say grace, sir and ma’am, and thank you. We eat fried everything, drink cold beer, and the pies in redneck kitchens really would bring peace to the Middle East.
We mind our business and didn’t see shit if John Law comes asking what happened at your place last night. You’re welcome, by the way, and you just have to return the favor.
Rednecks are the Dukes of Hazard County, no matter where that county sits.
Have we embraced certain offensive symbols, words, or other things that might make our friends and neighbors uncomfortable at times? Yes, but rednecks don’t mean to harm nobody, so we learn.
Rednecks gave the world “Nanner Pudding.”
We made “bless your heart” an endearing expression of empathy and a blistering insult.
Rodeos, NASCAR and going big are hard wired into Redneck DNA. We turn the other cheek but take shit from no one.
So take your trappings of oppression and wokeness and go fuck right off with all of that nonsense. Rednecks are drawing a line in the sand. You’ll not get “our word” until the last of us flips you off with our extended cold, dead middle fingers, y’hear?
Because the redneck life is as old as America, and some traditions are worth preserving.
Anyway, to everyone else: Happy Friday! Here’s to a great weekend. Enjoy your weekend, have a great President’s Day (what Rednecks call Monday), and we’ll see y’all next week!
For the mewling, unduly passionate mob that attempted to culturally appropriate “redneck” this week: bless your hearts.
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